Monday, April 10, 2006

conflicts

Disagreements and conflicts are a fact of life. This is because no two people are the same or always think alike. For example, you may be an outgoing leader, while your friend is shy and tends to follow the group. Personality differences cause people to see and experience the world around them in different ways. Sometimes these different perspectives can lead to conflict.
Dealing with conflict is not pleasant or easy. However, if you learn to deal with disagreements you are more likely to have deep and longer lasting friendships. Here are some ideas on how to deal effectively with conflicts in a friendship:
.Talk the situation over with the person you had the disagreement with
.Try not to get others involved because this can lead to gossip and make things even more confusing, before you know it everyone will be taking sides and everyone will be mad at each other. This could lead to an even bigger and longer lasting conflict and ultimately to the loss of friendships.
.Allow for a cooling down period, It's a good idea to take some time after a disagreement before you try to talk it over and resolve your differences. You will both be able to think more clearly and will be less likely to react out of anger
.Be careful not too leave the problem unresolved for too long. If possible, try to talk about the problem the same day it happens.
.Try to understand your friend's perspective
.Try to relate to their feelings as if they were your own. No one is perfect and everyone has traits that can irritate us. Try to keep in mind what you liked about your friend in the first place.
.Express yourself honestly and gently. If you approach the discussion in a gentle and sensitive manner, chances are your friend will be more open to hearing what you have to say and will also discuss the issue in the same manner. It also helps to state your feelings in the beginning of your statement.
.Show sensitivity and caring by giving your friend the time and space to talk while you listen, and respond sympathetically to their feelings even if you don't agree with your friend's view.
.Explore solutions if appropriate. After both of you have had a chance to share your perspectives and feelings, try offering a solution and/or asking your friend if they have any thoughts on how to resolve the issue.
.Agree to disagree,if after trying to talk things out, the two of you just cannot agree, you can let your friend know that despite this you still want to be friends. Agreeing to disagree may be the best way to show that you still value the friendship despite your different points of view.
.Apologize and forgive, It may be hard, but try to be the first person to say sorry for your part in the conflict. Doing this may encourage your friend to apologize for their part. Forgiving your friend can help you both move on and have a stronger friendship.


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Saturday, April 08, 2006

keeping friends

Once you’ve started a friendship, you’ll need to think about maintaining it. Relationships take work. Even when a friendship is strong, it’s still important to check in every once in a while in order to not take the friendship for granted. Some suggestions for keeping friendships strong include:
.keeping the lines of communication open
.trusting your friend and being trustworthy
.being honest
.trying to accept differences
.listening and sharing
.taking equal responsibility of the relationship
.respecting each other’s space
.spending time alone
.learning conflict resolution


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Thursday, April 06, 2006

making friends

People can have lots of different kinds of friendships. You may have one close friend or a few very close friends, and friends who are connected to you through specific activities or places (e.g. camp, school, sports teams or a job). You may have friends who you are very close to and who you spend a lot of time with, or friends who you see only a few times a year. No matter what form your friendships take, they are an important part of life.
During adolescence you’ll probably want to spend more and more time with your friends. The friendships you make during this time become very important for developing your sense of identity and self-confidence.
The hardest part of making friends is usually making an initial contact. Generally, it’s easiest to meet people somewhere that you spend a lot of time – like at school or in your community.
School – because teenagers spend most of their time at school this is an excellent place to meet people. Some places to meet people at school are:
in class
in the cafeteria
through extra-curricular activities like clubs or sports.
Community – What are your interests? Do you enjoy sports, theatre, music, poetry, books, volunteering, or other things? Many of these things are offered in your community and lots of them are free. Check your local newspaper to see what’s going on in your community that you’re interested in.
The reason that these are good places to meet people is because the easiest way to meet people is through common interests.
It’s important to remember that friendships don’t always happen over night. They take time. So what can you do after the initial "hello" to help build a friendship? Here are some ideas that may be helpful:
talk about a common interest/assignment etc.
ask the person to go for a walk, for lunch or for coffee.
share a piece of exciting news
offer your help, or ask for help on something you are working on
Some people are now meeting friends on the Internet. While this can be a good place to chat with people, it’s not always a safe place to meet people for friendships. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing who you are chatting with when you’re online. This is why it’s important not to give out any identifying information about yourself. This includes
your address
phone number
school
If someone you are chatting with online is asking you for this information, please tell an adult like a parent, teacher, or principal.


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Importance of Making and Keeping Friends

Making and maintaining friendships is something that you’ll do throughout your whole life. For some people, making friends comes naturally and easily. For others it can be scary or intimidating.
Friendships are important because friends do so many things for us. They:
.provide fun and excitement
.give advice
.provide companionship and recreation
.are loyal
.provide stability during times of stress or transition
.teach us things like: conflict resolution, cooperation and reciprocity (give and take)
Everybody brings his or her own strengths to a friendship. What are some of yours? Talking to other friends and to your family can help you identify the strengths you bring to a relationship. These may include:
.being honest and dependable
.being positive about yourself and others
.doing your share of talking and listening
.accepting individual differences
.being respectful of thoughts and feelings
.being non-judgmental
.sharing interests and skills


via making friends

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

poem on friendship

Choose friends wisely, the the portrait they paint
Is who you are and who you ain't.
Friendship is life's great support
When friends are of the right sort.
For all your dreams do they make room,
Or bring you down with doom and gloom?
You will know a friendship is true
When it brings out the best in you.
It's true. You can tell a person by the company she keeps.
Our friendships not only tell a lot about who we are .. they make us who we are.


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via protrait

poem on friendship

Choose friends wisely, the the

Monday, April 03, 2006

Influence of friends

The influence of friends is a powerful force in almost everyone's life.
First of all, having friends and making independent decisions are part of normal development for children.
Friends have a huge impact on the kinds of choices you make especially in your teenage years.Growing up with positive influences is a must for someone who wants to be successful in life. Young people need to be supported to make healthy choices. Falling into the wrong crowd can ruin a life because teenagers are more likely to do what their friends are doing.As we approach adulthood our ability to handle the realities of life will be greatly affected by the habits we hae created while we were young.
Adults and parents have a responsibility as well in helping teens make good choices and this includes choosing their friends wisely. It is important for parents to set a good example, encourage their kids to do well, stay involved in their kids’ lives and help them build the skills to make positive choices on their own.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

What friends do in our lives

No one is an island - we all need friends.We need them as temporary refuges from problems in other relationships.We discuss solutions and other ideas with them to get feedback on how realistic they are.Real friends are not 'yes-men', telling you only what you want to hear. They will disagree with you, argue their point and sometimes try to stop you from making a fool of yourself. We can choose to listen to them or not.
It is good to have friends who advise you, but you must filter their advice and use it only as part of your thinking about a problem.Sometimes our intuition about a solution is correct, and some times we ignore correct advice and fall flat on our face. If we do get it wrong, a good friend will not gloat about being right but will pick us up and get us on our feet again. Love may be blind - friendship simply closes its eyes.
A real friend is someone you could phone in the dead of night with an urgent problem, who would not think twice about helping you.Real friends are there to help out in a crisis, to give your self-confidence a boost when you are feeling low. Having someone who knows you, who gives you a mental lift or sees you through difficult times, is one of the best ways to reduce your stress.
We choose our friends according to a number of different criteria:
• How supportive the person is in times of trouble.
• Whether you share common interests.
• How much you can confide in them, and whether they can keep a secret.
Physical attractiveness, wealth and humour are other desirable attributes, but good friends always have that key attribute of being a supportive confidant when you need them to be.
Bring perspective to your problems by discussing concerns or fears with people you trust. But don't whinge non-stop, and do remember to filter advice.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Qualites of a good friendship

. friends listen to each other.
. friends don't put each other down or hurt each other's feelings.
. friends try to understand each other's feelings and moods.
. friends help each other solve problems.
. friends give each other compliments.
. friends can disagree without hurting each other.
. friends are dependable.
. friends respect each other.
. friends are trustworthy.
. friends give each other room to change.
. friends care about each other